I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
