TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
