smell my finger.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Panties = found
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
