Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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