i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
