He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i think i have two assholes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
