it wasn't lemon gatorade
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
