what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
