You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
