yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
where are you?
Hypothermia
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
