Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
