This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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