my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
