Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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