I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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