Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
