The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
