worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize