I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
