i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
