so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
