just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
