Your tits are I can't wait for
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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