I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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