I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
