Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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