She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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