I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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