Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
