now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize