Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
