Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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