If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize