Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
