she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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