There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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