woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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