His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Never joke about your clitoris.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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