He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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