I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
