I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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