Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just pee around me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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