i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize