I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
