I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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