dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
