just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need water and some morals
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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