i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
