im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
