I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Vodka?
Forever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
