Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
