he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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