Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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