She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Drunk is not a location!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
