I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
