but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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