you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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