Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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