apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
