I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
