dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
