Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
