I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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