mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
