I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize