Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
