you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
