I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
